Divorce or Stay Together – a Difficult Challenge for Parents
The difficult, sensitive and personal topic of Divorce never gets the attention it deserves. Most often, people start to discuss things openly after the divorce already took place. Then, with regret and remorse, the divorcees (both husband and wife) have to work hard-to-fix issues that may not have compounded into a “problem” if they simply sought the appropriate professional advice (or advice altogether) in the first place.
This is why the editorial staff of American Muslim Mom feel compelled to bring these issues to your attention while educating you with tips, tools and resources to help families experiencing rough times. Most importantly, you must remember that the day you choose to start a family by bringing children into your lives–its critical to always think of their needs first. Please always put your child/ren’s health, safety and physical, mental and emotional well-being at the top of you list when making any decisions, especially divorce.
We are proud to introduce you to the Divorce Columnist, dear friend and colleague: Rosalind Sedacca, CCT.
Those who take an oath to keep apart from their wives are given four months (for a final decision).(A) Then, if they resume their relations, Allah is Forgiving and Merciful. And if they resolve on divorce,(B) (let them remember that ) Allah hears everything and knows everything. Divorce may be pronounced twice; then either the wife be kept honourably or parted with gracefully.(C)( Surah Al-Baqara, Chapter 2, Verse 227-229).
Tafsir (Commentary and explanation of the Qur’anic verses) regarding Divorce:
(A) Although it is true that relations between husband and wife do not always remain cordial, yet Allah’s law does not allow that the strained relations should continue indefinitely. Therefore it lays down the maximum period of four months for a separation in which they legally remain husband and wife but practically live separate lives without any conjugal relations between them. Such a separation is termed “ila” in the Islamic code of Law. During this period they must either make a reconciliation between themselves or part for good so that they may be free to marry a suitable person of their liking.
(B) According to the verdict of Caliph `Uthman, lbn Mas’ud, Zaid bin Thabit and some other jurists, they can reunite only within four months. The expiry of this term itself is a proof that the husband has decided upon divorce. Hence after its expiry, divorce will automatically take place and the husband will forfeit the right of reunion during the waiting term. If, however, both of them agree, they can remarry.
(C) That is, ”Fear Allah and do not divorce your wives for frivolous and unjustifiable reasons, for He knows everything.”
The Choice to Stay Together or Get a Divorce
This is a tough and controversial subject. There are no right or wrong answers, nor are there any simplistic black and white solutions. I am sharing my own perspective, based on my own life experiences. I welcome you to contribute your own perspective as long as you are respectful of the rights of others to see the world in a different light.
I am the author of a new book about parenting and divorce. I also grew up in a family that stayed together for the sake of the kids, so I have a good perspective on both sides of this topic. Obviously neither option is one any family would choose – they both create pain and hurt.
However, I am opting in on the side of divorce as preferable to years of living in a home where parents fight, disrespect one another and children grow up surrounded by sadness and anger. That’s the world I grew up in and the scars are still with me today, many decades later. Dr. Phil often says, “I’d rather come from a dysfunctional family than be in one.” I firmly believe he’s right.
Staying in a marriage only for the kids is a physical choice that doesn’t touch upon the emotional and psychological pain children endure when their parents are a couple in name only. There is no positive role model of how marriage can and should be lived. Happiness, harmony, collaboration, respect and joy are all absent when parents are emotionally divorced while still living together. Children feel it, are confused by it, often blame themselves, are usually guilt-ridden and experience little peace in childhood.
That’s why I chose the other route when my marriage was failing. However, I intuitively understood what not to do in divorce. I consciously created what I call a child-centered divorce, co-parented with my former husband, shared custody and maintained a positive relationship with my ex for the decade to follow. Most gratifying for me is the satisfaction of my now adult son writing the introduction to my new book, acknowledging the merits of my philosophy and behavior.
If parents have the maturity and determination to re-connect, get professional assistance and stay together in a renewed commitment to marriage, that would absolutely be ideal. The entire family will benefit and the healing will be a blessing. However, if children are being raised in a war zone or in the silence and apathy of sleep-walking through a dead marriage, divorce may open the door to a healthier, happier future for all concerned. But only – and this is the key point — only if parents consciously work on creating a harmonious, collaborative child-centered divorce that puts the children’s emotional and psychological needs first!
Rosalind Sedacca, CCT is a relationship seminar facilitator and author of the ebook, How Do I Tell the Kids … about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children — with Love!. For free articles, her blog, valuable resources on child-centered divorce or to subscribe to her free ezine, go to: www.childcentereddivorce.com
2009 All Rights Reserved
We have many more pertinent articles to share with you, but curious what you feel about our debut article first. What do you think? Was this helpful reading? What topics would you like us to consider. If you’re not comfortable commenting below, feel free to contact us anytime at contact<at>americanmuslimmom.com
Home schooling–It just doesn’t matter
Home schooling–It just doesn’t matter
I just ran across this article today, and I had to post it–in hopes that my two dear friends will find “peace” with their “almost-readiness-to-commit-to-homeschool” decision…especially when it comes to curriculum. Here’s a long-timer, homeschooling her 3 kids since 1996…and look at the title!
Oh and please…my dears, laugh! It’s meant to be funny, it is funny…and if you don’t laugh, at least find strength, that she speaks the Truth!
Homeschooling? It Just Doesn’t Matter
“You know, it just doesn’t matter.”
This thought bounced into my head during one of my endless internet research expeditions, trying to find the “right” curriculum. After home schooling since 1996, I now realize what others have been saying all along: it just doesn’t matter.
Please don’t misunderstand me. Education matters a great deal, but all the fuss about this or that program, this or that method, this or that curriculum package, is just that: fuss, and not substance.
My kids never once finished a spelling book, and guess what? They spell just fine. They probably won’t win a national spelling bee, but they do all right. How did that happen? I don’t know. I do know that it wasn’t due to my expert teaching skills.
I’m not even sure how my son learned to read, but as he sat next to me this morning reading to me I thought, “How did this happen?” Because I honestly don’t remember teaching him to read as well as he does.
I guess it’s just a matter of providing the environment and a little motivation. Kids learn what they need to learn, when they need to learn it. It’s rather miraculous, when I think about it, when I look back and see that it just seemed to happen.
Oh, yea, I put in my share of sweat about the whole thing, but now I see what author Marva Collins means: “Anything works if the teacher works.” I always thought she was right, and now I know it.
So am I excited about homeschooling? Yes and no. Like the rest of life, it will be whatever it is: wonderful, boring, bla bla bla. But somehow my kids will get what they need, and that’s very satisfying to know.
Jennifer Thieme began homeschooling her three children in 1996. She is the administrator of a small, private ISP she established for her own family and several of her friends. She has been published in Practical Homeschooling and the Intuit ProConnection Newsletter. She operates a bookkeeping and tax service from her home. You may visit her business website at http://www.jenniferthieme.com/.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jennifer_Thieme
TheHomeSchoolMom.com
TheHomeSchoolMom.com -what a sweet find!
- Weekly recipes in a rush,
- Free curriculum websites already nicely listed,
- Software downloads,
- Activity sheets, and
- Much more!
- Hey, there’s a recommendation for a WriteShop! geared to 7th-11th graders, but as low as 4th-graders are using it…hmm…I’m developing my girls writing Right now–5.5 year and less. Any thoughts anyone?
- A whole “getting/staying organized” section. I can think of 1 ultra-Type-A homeschool-girlfriend of mine, who’d love this section! .
- Many, many freebies I can’t possibly get through them in one-sitting. No doubt I “bookmarked” TheHomeSchoolMom!
Click over now, then click back and help share what other ‘cool finds’ she has to offer!
MusliMama’s rambling thoughts today…
I apply my unique networking skills to gain the most well-rounded education that I can offer my girls.
A joke was recently made that the educational resources I utilize to “teach” (home school) my girls, is equivalent to the most sophisticated, high-class, world-renowned resources children of royalty pay their private tutors…and, we have not spent one-fraction of their costs.
Some may argue, that the Girls have unique parents, because of our successful educational and professional backgrounds, with graduate degrees, with numerous achievements in government, industry, and most recently as entrepreneurs and business owners.
Yet, I highly disagree. I believe that our education and experience are secondary to a firm belief that every parent has their own highly-successful & unique qualifications to raise, teach, and ultimately make the necessary decisions to offer their children the best possible life (and education) they can offer.
We honestly don’t know any parents who would disagree with the above statement. Yet, many parents doubt their ability to “home school” their children…as if, they, themselves, have to “teach” them everything themselves for 12 years (in Ohio, you don’t have to notify a child’s kindergarten year–more on this subject later).
In this blog, we (my girls & I) will make every attempt to share as many of our home school “secrets” to help you succeed, our trials and tribulations, and the many tips and tools shared by our vast network of home school families here in the state of Ohio, specifically the Greater Toledo area.
Please visit often, and share your tips, tools, resources & opinions in the “comments” section below.
To our children’s education! Feel free to disagree or support this post, by sharing your comments below.
