Muslim Wives Need to Learn To Just Shut Up!

Grabbed your attention, didn’t I? Well, let’s consider three things before you just yell back, “No! You Shut Up!”

First, it is reported that Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, said “I stood at the gate of Paradise and saw that the majority of the people who entered it were the poor, while the wealthy were stopped at the gate (for the accounts). But the companions of the Hellfire were ordered to be taken to the Fire. Then I stood at the gate of the Hellfire and saw that the majority of those who entered it were women.”  (Bukhari, Muslim, Ahmed)

Second, it is reported that Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, said “A person utters a word thoughtlessly (i.e., without thinking about it being good or not, or if these words have any significance that will raise their ranks in Heaven) and, as a result of this, he will fall down into the fire of Hell deeper than the distance between the east and the west.” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim).

Third, sins of the tongue include but are not limited to:

  • Lying,
  • Exaggerating,
  • Back-biting,
  • Slander,
  • Gossiping,
  • Picking fun at,
  • Ungrateful remarks,
  • Negative talk, anger, and unwarranted disappointment,
  • Whining,
  • Sharing your disapproval of others to everyone except the one involved,
  • Making hypocritical remarks and acting indifferently to said person,
  • Sharing private secrets and/or intimate moments between a married couple,
  • Entering into debates solely to stir up emotions and cause harm,
  • Maintaining an argument out of defensiveness and insecurity,
  • Making emotional assumptions public without giving the other party the benefit of doubt,
  • Jumping to conclusions without said facts and acting inappropriately prematurely,
  • Stating someone is guilty without seeking justice,
  • Manipulating others,
  • Dissuading others from seeing the truth, and
  • Talking simply because one is unaware of the beauty of silence, or deep and reflexive thought.

While it is a known fact that women presently and will continue to out-number males in the world’s population, and one can debate that this may be a logical reason that women will out-number men in Hellfire. However, one can also argue the fact that when compared to men, women are more apt to participate in one or many of above stated sins of the tongue once in awhile and in many cases: often.

So, since we as Muslim women have the profound ability to bring the only true joy to this world through our piety, righteousness, and silence; if given the opportunity to talk or not, won’t you just consider shutting up?

Now, based on the given stated facts and proposing the above questions, the logic used above does not touch upon the stereotypical belief that Muslim wives are submissive. Quite the contrary, in fact there are many examples that when a pious, righteous Muslim male leader had a pious, righteous, intelligent, loving, charitable wife, together they ruled their families and the public at large.

Make every word count. Dare to make your words meaningful and memorable. Words when said with accompanying tones hold power. So, give words the strength of your character, and not your weakness of your flaws.

Just like everything we do in this life, when seeking to please Allah and Him Alone, we will gain from the pleasures of this world and the hereafter. Rather than enter into acts that seem easily harmless, and ultimately harmful; such as the numerous sins or “slips of the tongue” stated above–choose to reflect peacefully and walk away from such circumstances. Distance yourself from negative situations. Offer a charitable smile, and dare to be a pious leader, one who can effect change by choosing to use your tongue wisely–or simply just keeping it inside your mouth.

I’m extremely interested in the feelings, emotions, connections or disconnect you felt in reading this post. Please share your comments below. For discussing this topic is not the time to shut up! ;-)

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Comments

  1. va says

    I agree on those points . Some men I must say can also be gossipers just like women . We can not just say women and we need to bring out the positive side of this and not make ourselves feel any worse or guilty . Instead make room for improvement and think before we speak but at the same time not be too serious about it or else we will end up keeping everything inside ourselves which makes it worse . It’s always best to talk about things then to bottle them up I say .

    • says

      Hi Va,

      I agree. I hear nightmare stories of men in my girlfriends’ lives gossip. But, alhumdulilah, on both sides of our Muslim and non-Muslim families, men definitely have NO interest at all in such trivial issues.

      However, I thank you for your last remarks; I hope you didn’t read my article to imply that I’m saying ‘keep to yourself’ or ‘bottle them up’ “them” = real, life-serious issues. On the contrary. I’m stressing only upon the “sins” of the tongue. I would *never* advocate keeping silent for important issues, problems or concerns. Please forgive me if you read my article to imply that in anyway.

      I’ve re-read my article over and over, and don’t feel that I was leading down that path. But, one never knows how one interprets other’s writing.

  2. Kalimah Abdul-Rahim says

    Masha’Allah Sister, thank you for this important reminder. This is a very good habit to develop; to think before we speak , so that we won’t be among those who utter thoughtlessly …“A person utters a word thoughtlessly (i.e., without thinking about it being good or not, or if these words have any significance that will raise their ranks in Heaven) …”
    This is a battle I have been fighting for years and I try to remember everyday to seek refuge in Allah from my own tongue.
    Oh, and of course, your title was eye-catching! Love it!

    • says

      MashaAllah. Jazaka Allahu Khayrun.
      Ameen. Ameen.
      This is a reminder for all of us, myself included!
      And, thanks–hoping someone would comment on the title itself! ;-)

  3. Crystal Yahya says

    Masha Allah, I agree, we all need to think before we speak (women and men). All too often we get caught up in unnecessary discussions. Thank you so much for bringing up such an important subject. Now, time for personal reflection and seeking Allah’s help to hold my tongue!

    • says

      LOL! “Now, time for me to join you in personal reflection and seeking Allah’s help to hold my tongue!”

      Asr adthan just called. MashaAllah! Allahu Akbar!

  4. va says

    Agreed with both Crystal and Kalimah too . The hardest part is when you are exercising with a group of ladies that gossip about each other . Oh and then you say something , it’s horrible . Then you feel guilty . May Allah save us from these easy sins . I really have to be careful ..

  5. says

    I agree as women we need to set an example of kindness and love and respect.isn’t that what Prophet Muhammad pbuh tells us and the Quran to. We need to be examples for everyone in the world and in our own small way this can help spread peace.

  6. says

    I’d say it’s not only Muslim women that could benefit from this, but women in general. (And some men, too :) )

    Scientifically, women have more communication centers in the brain than men, and we’re more emotionally expressive than men, typically.

    But I think that any family would benefit greatly from women weighing their words with more care before letting them loose.

    Our children watch us and emulate us, and our husbands, while they may seem to be a bit oblivious, can in fact be deeply hurt by the things we say, that we thought went right over their heads, as they keep silent so as to try and keep the peace of the family.

    These are some of the things I learned recently, during a discussion with my husband on how to improve our marriage. It chastened me quite a bit, without him having to say a word of direct disapproval.

    We’re all much happier now that I’m learning to communicate in more positive ways with those around me.

    • says

      Dear Lara,

      Thank you so much for sharing your detailed thoughts, discoveries and feelings about this post. I truly appreciate your unique views and believe that any and all helpful communication tips are critical to successful relationships–which is life-long process.

  7. says

    Crystal clear the topic was a special mind, sure great creations and it was a proper thing to think about it. Maybe few shares soundseven better still the entire idea is perfectly so proper thing. And if I would be able I should to invest in that important and I am sure every individual should perform same thing.

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